It was a quiet Sunday afternoon, and I was snoozing on the couch whilst watching Day 3 of the Cricket with my ears (multitasking at its finest) when there was a knock at my door. I opened the door and there was a package. When I picked it up, I immediately noticed that it was very cold. Inside, an envelope and underneath, surrounded by dry ice, there was something I can only describe as a very flexible metallic door mat with the initials VF on it. I tore open the envelope and the card read as follows. Want to Chill tonight at my pool party? If So, Place object on ground, stand on VF and read out loud.

“TONIGHT’S FORECAST, A FREEZE IS COMING”

Curiosity got the better of me, so I did just that. Little did I know that was a teleportation device with the prompt to fire it up, how was I to know? On reflection, had I read the front of the card that plainly said Instructions to power up your teleportation device, open this envelope. Well, Wow! What a wild ride it was, and if you haven’t tried it, I highly recommend you do.

The next moment I found myself submerged underwater looking up from the bottom of a pool. The water was numbingly ice-cold. When I came up for air, to my delight, I was greeted by a bloke who looked remarkably like Arnold Schwarzenegger handing me a cocktail.

To this day, I can’t remember what happened next, or how I returned home for that matter. Frostbite symptoms aside, all I can say is Dr Victor Fries is a great host, a pretty chill guy, and this shirt is cooler than the other side of the pillow.